Posted on January 13, 2017 by Xavier Toby

No More Presents for Me!

xmas-4

This article first appeared in the Brisbane Courier Mail

You know what I like about Christmas?

Almost everything.

People are nicer, you get the cookies without as much guilt, and reasons to drink are everywhere, which is probably the main reason people are nicer.

You know what I don’t like about Christmas?

The traffic, insects, that anxious twitch some people develop, mince pies, and the stress involved in trying to find a reasonably priced holiday apartment, caravan of camping ground.

What I don’t like most of all, however, is receiving presents.

Read More

Posted on January 7, 2017 by Xavier Toby

Mobile phone apps – just get ’em right the first time!

iphone-update-1

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun

NEARLY every time I turn on or pick up an electronic anything, I’m sick of being told that it needs to be shut down and restarted, since something else urgently needs to be updated.

Why can’t whoever is being paid to make this stuff just get it right the first time?

At school, if I failed a test, I never got to submit updated answers.

After another disastrous first date, there’s never the option to do it all again with funnier anecdotes, less alcohol and in jeans instead of shorts and thongs.

Or if I again blow my pay on the Gloucester Park harness races, never once have I been permitted to update my bets.

Read More

Posted on December 23, 2016 by Xavier Toby

Should I buy my wife a Christmas Present?

xmas-1

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun

Should I buy my wife a Christmas Present?

Well yes of course, and that’s exactly what my heart said.

My head, however, was full of facts.

We’re both doing okay. We have enough stuff, and isn’t Christmas a time for giving to those less fortunate?

What I’d really like to do is give her a present and not have to deal with the stress of getting anything in return.

Read More

Posted on December 16, 2016 by Xavier Toby

Voting. Maybe it isn’t for everyone.

voting-meme-1

This article first appeared in the Brisbane Courier Mail

Voting. Maybe it isn’t for everyone.

Now nobody should ever be excluded based on their race, religion, gender or any other general reason. Based on what’s been happening in the world lately, however, I just think we’d be better off if voting was restricted to those with a very basic understanding of the issues.

Before you all explode with rage at the audacity of this idea, consider a Tinder match. The person might lie and embellish to get you to meet them.

Read More

Newer Posts
Older Posts