Author: Xavier Toby

We all suck at the internet

This article first appeared in the Brisbane Courier Mail The internet sucks and so do we. There was so much promise. The finest literature, historical texts, scholarly research and artworks are all available for free online. The best of human history and its more widely available than ever before, but nobody, including myself, is looking Read More

Let’s NOT go to the beach!

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun and the Daily Telegraph ‘Let’s go to the beach!’, is that really code for, ‘We can’t sit inside staring at screens for our entire lives, and I don’t have any better ideas’. I’ve had some unpopular ideas in the past. A tax on sugar, climate change exists, Read More

You can sleep when you’re dead!

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun You can sleep when you’re dead. He will drink you under the table. You snooze you lose. She can really hold her drink. All catchcries of the modern-day gladiator. Genetically superior humans who go hard and rarely go home, and leave mere mortals like myself crumpled at Read More

Generation Alpha will save the world

This article first appeared in the Sunday Herald Sun ‘Stop being a pathetic little victim. That’s so Gen X of you!’ my wife yelled. ‘What the what?’ I replied. She explained that Generation X is a term made popular by Canadian author Douglas Coupland, to describe those born roughly between 1965 and 1979. I told Read More

Barnaby crashes the custard truck

This article first appeared on The Big Smoke The public’s outrage to Barnaby Joyce’s affair has been understandable, but gazing at the history of similar actions, don’t be surprised if nothing happens to him. Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion have officially been outed for swapping gravy, dancing the forbidden Polka, and indulging in gland-to-gland combat, Read More

Shopping centers, Uber drivers and society are all doomed

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun Are shopping centers quieter than they used to be? I remember twenty years ago parking on a piece of grass a ten-minute walk from Highpoint, and it being fifty-fifty if my car would be there when I got back. Or going to Chadstone and spending an hour Read More

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