Uniform attire suits you, Sir

Suit Game

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun

EVERY man looks good in a good suit.

A great suit then gives a man an air of importance he doesn’t necessarily deserve, and that needs to change.

An ill-fitting suit makes a man look like he’s a door-to-door salesman, a charming ragamuffin who lives out of a tattered suitcase and can hold a tune, or a guilty defendant.

However, any man in a sharp suit is in charge, knows exactly what he’s talking about and, if he’s a defendant, he’s either innocent or so rich he’s above the law.

Just look at politicians, bankers, real estate agents, and sportsmen after they’ve been charged with anything. Outside of the suit, they’re just another guilty scam artist. But in a suit, we assume they’re better than they are.

Too many fools out there are spouting absolute garbage on any topic, and too many of us are listening, nodding along without questioning because subconsciously we’re thinking: “He must know what he’s talking about. He’s wearing a suit, a tie, and two very shiny shoes.”

But all a nice suit proves is that you can afford a good tailor.

The suit is the unofficial uniform of men, and like all uniforms, there needs to be rules. The military makes you earn your stripes and, instead of bought, a suit should also be earned.

You get one by achieving a certain level of education, success, or maybe after doing a bunch of good in the world. Practically, though, that idea is as flashy, cumbersome and pointless, as a suit made of sequins. Or chocolate.

The suit is also extraordinarily sexist, so perhaps that should change first.

Karl Stefanovic put this sexism on display by wearing the same suit for a year, and nobody noticed. Yet the attire of his breakfast co-hosts and competitors, when at work and even when they’re not, remains under the microscope.

For a man, when it comes to any formal occasion, you wear a suit, and unless you get it exceptionally wrong or right, you blend right in.

For any woman, there’s no equivalent. Whatever they wear is always going to be noticed and, often, unfairly scrutinised.

Perhaps then, everyone who has the same job, should wear identical clothing. Or better yet, let’s make it as socially acceptable for women to wear them as men.

Personally, I would’ve really enjoyed standing next to my bride in our wedding photos, us both in perfectly tailored, matching suits.

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian.

His second comedy memoir ‘Going Out of My Mined’ is available now.

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