Let’s get down to a matter of facts

Fried Chicked Donut and Beer

The fried chicken donut – it’s real! Astro Doughnuts & Fried Chicken – Washington, DC

This article first appeared in the Brisbane Courier Mail

SO I keep getting tangled in endless and pointless debates, especially online.

There are the people who claim Donald Trump isn’t racist, or that the climate isn’t changing, that it’s all just a big scam started by left-wing lunatics.

And nobody should listen to the feminists because they won’t rest until all men are either castrated or dead.

So much like a morbidly obese man at an all-you-can-eat buffet, I’ve had enough.

Now if, for example, you said I had a chubby face and a terrible haircut, well, that hurts, but it’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it.

With all the other stuff though, it might be an opinion, but it’s also factually incorrect.

Just like my own views when it comes to the health benefits of fried chicken, doughnuts and beer for dinner, most people who post comments refuse to consider any information that disagrees with what they already believe.

What frustrates me most are those who have a core misunderstanding of key words and what they mean. Just because you say you’re not racist, that doesn’t mean you’re not racist.

Same as if you’re drunk but tell your wife you’re sober and didn’t just vomit on the cat, that doesn’t make it so.

If you make a judgment about anyone based on the colour of their skin or where they’re from, you’re racist. That’s what the word means. So by definition, Trump is racist.

Then climate change. No matter how often you say it’s not happening, science says it is. Your opinion can’t change science, no matter how often you repeat it and, when the planet is stuffed, it will be your fault.

The same goes for Tigers fans, Richmond or Wests. Before each season they can talk up their premiership chances, but that still doesn’t improve them from zero.

What about feminism? If you’re a feminist or support feminism, all that means is you believe women should have equal rights to men. If you can’t get on board with that, you’re sexist, at best, and, at worst, you’ll die alone – and so you should.

Gay marriage is another big issue, and I’ve got no idea why. Marriage is a legal entity everyone should be entitled to, as religion in Australia is separate to law and politics.

Making something illegal on religious grounds is on the same level of lunacy as saying baristas shouldn’t be allowed to make almond milk lattes based on coffee grounds.

Then there are those who want to ban Islam. Well in Australia there’s this rule where everyone is free to do whatever they like, as long as it doesn’t directly harm anyone else.

Oh, as part of your argument you quote the Koran? Show me a religious text that doesn’t include some scandalous stuff. Even Scientology is legal in Australia and that’s based on the belief that Tom Cruise and John Travolta are aliens. And decent actors.

Also, we have freedom of speech so you’re allowed to say almost anything you like about other races, religions, climate change and feminism.

And be aware that, if you disagree with anything I’ve said here, you’re just plain wrong.

This article first appeared in the Brisbane Courier Mail

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian.

His second comedy memoir ‘Going Out of My Mined’ is available now.

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