Posted on October 30, 2015 by Xavier Toby

Would you trade your job, relationship or home if you could? Go on, it’d be fun

 

Pandora Bracelet

Pandora Bracelets – wristbands for rich bogans, and the perfect gift for someone already covered in tattoos.

 

If you could make any trade, what would it be?

Since the AFL trade period is now run and done, I’ve been pondering what other areas of life might be improved by a trade or two.

We’re told that you never really get something for nothing, and the flipside of that is we don’t like giving up anything and getting nothing in return.

Which means that sometimes we hang onto some things, and especially people, a lot longer than we should.

However it’s not okay to sell people. That’s slavery. Which is why the AFL has trade period.

On a national level, we could look at some leadership trades. Australia has a robust economy, but can’t find the right person for the top job. While America has the opposite problem. So we get Obama, and they get some economists and maybe a few mines.

On a personal level, if there were a partner trading weekend, people could find someone more suitable without the disappointment of online dating and drunken nightclub mistakes, and that horrible alone times.

Oh here’s a winning idea. You know all that stuff from of a relationship that has value, but you can’t bear to keep once it’s over? If you sold it, you’d never get close to its true value. So let’s set up a monthly swap meet strictly for romantic gifts.

On a side note, anyone want a barely used Pandora Bracelet? Hit me up on Twitter. It really is in perfect condition – the only thing it’s tarnished with is lies and heartbreak.

There could even be websites for trading unwanted Xmas presents, pets and children. It’s certainly not okay to sell kids, but just say you’ve got four boys and want a girl? Make a trade!

I’m sure this’ll be a reality television smash hit. There’s already ‘wife swap’ and despite the sexist overtones it was still allowed on TV. If there’s ever a ‘husband swap’, I’m guessing the men will be traded for all sorts of things that aren’t other men. You know, stuff women actually want and can use.

Job-trading week could also be a winner, as would relationship-swap and house-swap, which has the added bonus of avoiding those horrendous real estate agent fees.

One big reason none of it might work, however, is the same reason so many trades happen during the AFL trade period at the last minute, or not at all. Basically, people are greedy, and are so intent on holding out for the best possible deal that they miss out entirely.

At the end of the AFL trade period, however, there is always that flurry of deals as clubs settle for whatever they can get. Unfortunately, there’s no such trade deadline for jobs and relationships and houses. So instead, too many of us stay stuck with what we’ve got, too scared to risk it for something better because it might just turn out worse.

Not my last girlfriend though, who was more than happy and did not hesitate at all when it came to trading me in for someone with a steady income who could afford a home loan. For an actual home, not just a caravan.

Which left me with a Queensland holiday for two, including theme park tickets. So is anyone interested in a trade? In return I’ll take alcohol, a Playstation 4, and tickets to that new movies ‘Oddball’. I’ve heard that it’s ace.

Xavier Toby pretends to be a writer and comedian, and on Monday mornings, he pretends he’s looking forward to work.

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