How can you tell if it’s a date or not?

Another article for Cleo! Read at your peril, or for your pleasure.

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Note a date image_2

What about if nobody says it’s a date. Can it still be a date? For sure. If he pays for dinner, is it definitely date? Not necessarily. What if you’re meeting for brunch? Brunch is weird for a date, don’t you think?

The question of whether or not something is a date comes up extremely often among my male and female single friends. Probably even more often than: “If they don’t text me back, can I keep texting them?” or “Is this photo OK for my Tinder profile?”

Just in case you’re wondering, 95 percent of the time the answer to the above questions is NO. If the answer was YES, well that would be obvious, and it wouldn’t be necessary to ask.

The moment you have to ask, well it probably isn’t a date.

The trick is to not ask the question until after you meet up with the person. The reason you’re meeting prior to the event is not important. What matters is how the event goes down, and what happens next.

I’ve been on many dates that quickly turned into an awkward mess. Even though it was called a ‘date’, as soon as it became clear there was zero happening romantically, then it was no longer a date. It was just two strangers checking their watches until it was safe to leave.

Alternatively, if you meet up with a friend or acquaintance and things take a turn for the romantic, all of a sudden something that was quite innocent is now a date.

Say for example, if you meet someone at a party. You two talk for hours, perhaps kiss, and then swap numbers and agree to meet up again. Well, I’d call that a date.

Not a date image

By the way, some guys get freaked out by the term ‘date’ so there’s no need to unnecessarily name things. Far more important is specifying whether or not you and that person are exclusive.

If you want to be sure if something was a date, simply ask these questions:

1) Was there any contact that was more than a pat? This includes rubs, stroking and… you get the idea.
2) Was it just the two of you? With maybe a bit of kissing? With tongues?
3) Were plans made to meet up again? In between fondles and frolics?
4) Did it feel like a date?

If the answer to question four is yes, well then I’d say it was a date.


Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian


This article first appeared in Cleo


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