ACCORDING to science, research and real stuff, there is one superstition that is true.
With the Chinese New Year, a Friday the 13th this month and another looming, it’s probably worth revealing what it is.
The Chinese New Year began on February 19 and this one’s the Year of the Goat. Those born in a goat year are supposedly destined for a bad life – they’re not cut out for competition, as they are seen as followers not leaders.
Apparently some Chinese time their conception efforts to avoid births during the Year of the Goat, while some of those who might be due around the New Year are hurried along. Hitting the emergency delivery button to avoid bad luck surely has to be one of the most dodgy reasons ever for a premature birth.
Anyone who’s willing to risk the health of an unborn child to avoid bad luck perhaps shouldn’t be having kids in the first place. Then again, I know someone who’s a great mother but also believes she’s a psychic. Which she proved by looking at me and saying, “I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking that you don’t believe me.”
Which was correct, but proves nothing. Of course I didn’t believe her, because all that stuff is rubbish.
But I digress. Some believe the bad luck associated with being born in the Year of the Goat can be avoided by rearranging your furniture, lighting a few candles and trying not to fart. Or something.
We’ve also had a Friday the 13th this month. Which some also consider bad luck because Jesus was crucified on a Friday and there were 13 at the last supper and people are gullible.
In general, but on Friday the 13th in particular, it’s suggested that it’s bad luck to walk under a ladder, open an umbrella inside and break mirrors.
Other bad luck omens are walking on cracks, black cats and spilling salt.
On the other hand, good luck occurs after a bird poos on you, it rains on your wedding day and you accidentally wear your clothes inside out, which I think is all just a ploy to make us feel better, because all that stuff sucks.
“You’re covered in birdshit. Buy a lottery ticket!”
“Rain has ruined your wedding day? How lucky are you!”
“You’ve put on all your clothes inside out. You’re not losing your mind, you’re just lucky!”
Wouldn’t it be great if we could trick people into thinking it was good luck, anytime anything went wrong? We’d all be so much happier.
“I backed into your car. How good is that? Seven years good luck for you.”
Science has found that one superstition, however, is true. Want to hear what it is? Apparently if you believe in bad luck, that brings it on. That’s right, if you’re worried about Friday the 13th, mirrors or ladders, then science has proven that you’re more likely to suffer. If you don’t, you won’t.
So in this Year of the Goat and Friday the 13th, ignore all superstition, or suffer the consequences. You’ve been warned!
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian
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