Posted on February 15, 2015 by Peter Toby

Snapchat’s plan to do more than NSFW pics. Now that’s news!

Ever sent someone a naughty naked totally NSFW pic?

Then paused before hitting send because you were worried exactly what they might do with it if you and that person didn’t work out?

Highly likely, as you can’t even remember their name.

Well it was late, and dark, and you’re not even sure what they looked like.

Anyway…do you think they have it in them to be nasty? To use that pic for good instead of evil?

Hence the internet fairies or storks (or wherever new apps come from) delivered us: Snapchat

With the added bonus that if someone was to screenshot one of your pics, it even tells you. How good is that?

BIG BONUS.

People under 25 even use Snapchat for other stuff. Like socially media or waffles or something.

So it was with some surprise that I heard about Snapchat intending to do the news, and being all highbrow about it, with its new “Discover” feature.

News stories will be up for 24 hours, thus keeping up the “snap” part of the chat.

Also, they’ll be in three parts. Going on narrative on us, like every decent story ever told.

In a swipe to the face of other online news providers, Snapchat stated, “Social media companies tell us what to read based on what’s most recent or most popular. We see it differently. We count on editors and artists, not clicks and shares, to determine what’s important.”

snapchat-logo-1

Lofty goals indeed, from a company whose core business remains crotch shots, titty flashes and dick pics.

I’ve gotta say though, I’m personally sick to death of news feeds filled with whatever’s most titling today, according to what’s been shared and clicked the most.

Stop telling me about what happens behind the scenes of air travel that I just “wouldn’t believe”.

I don’t give a shit.

So I like the idea of content based on the views and decisions of editors and artists. You know, how the news used to be way back nearly a decade ago.

In the contemporary media landscape, however, every single successful anything is extremely adept at saying the exact right thing in a press release, making us all smile, then doing the same crappy thing as always.

Just look at politics.

Or junk food companies.

Or the stock market.

Or banks.

Or nearly any company.

They all tell us how important and high minded and considerate and socially responsible they are. While continuing to screw the last vestiges of humanity and decency from us, which they then use to feed their black and decrepit souls.

Of course.

So I’ll be checking out Snapchat news in the hope that it lives up to its lofty ideals, but suspecting it’ll all just be more of the same. Old. Garbage.

Right after I send off the requisite three hundred dick pics. To strangers. Using dicks I found on the internet.

Because that’s how I roll.

I believe that they’re called privates for a reason.

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/products/mining-my-own-business

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: me@xaviertoby.com