Sexy voice = sexy woman says science


According to science* this might actually be an actual representation of an actual phone sex actual worker. Actually. (*science = maybe kinda sorta science)

Doing some “research” (because I’m busy and have a real job shut up) I discovered that if a woman has a sexy voice, she’s likely to be hot – and if it’s in a scientific study, it must be true, right?

You know when you’re calling up for some phone sex and you worry that the voice on the other end doesn’t really belong to the sultry vixen she claims to be, but a four hundred pound senior citizen?

Worry no more.

Scientists have found that if a woman has a sexy voice, she is very likely to actually be sexy.

So phone away, for five dollars a minute, with one less worry, giving yourself more time to ponder a life that’s led you to calling a phone sex line.

phone sex spiderman

I’m not here to judge. I’m sure anyone who finds out you’re calling up for phone sex will do that for me.

Hell, we all get lonely and not all of us have the time, money or an accepting enough spouse to allow us to visit a prostitute. It’s much easier to call someone up and pretend. Technically speaking it’s not even cheating, because speaking isn’t cheating…it’s only doing the dirty that’s disastrous.

Is that right? I’m not sure. Maybe I should call someone and ask…

phone sex text

Scientists made their sexy voice equals a sexy woman findings using 43 female university students, mostly in their twenties. Obviously a wide ranging and comprehensive study. Imagine if our vaccination and medication trials were that limited?

There’d be a lot more medications widely available and the world’s population would be much lower. It could only help humanity though. What better way to test a new drug, than to test it on everyone?


Apparently it’s all true as well, insert justification using hunter/gatherer caveman evolutionary theory blah a little bit more science blah finding a mate blah blah and then stretched ultra thin with official sounding language here.

Anyway, sexy women sell stuff. It’s been true ever since stuff was sold. I’m just sad it’s so widely used to sell newspapers. You know, that supposedly impartial record of what we people should know?

Fairlife Milk Ad

Coca-Cola makes milk now. This was going to be the ad, until their was a massive backlash. Also, don’t drink coca-cola milk. Duh. Oh and stop drinking coke. It’ll kill you. It’s only safe to consume in powder form.

When I was a journalist I was repeatedly told to add hot women to my articles, to ensure they got a run at the front of the paper.

Sex sells. Always has. Always will.

Why do you think I’m even writing this?

Why do you think that you’re reading it?


This article first appeared in The Big Smoke:


Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook:

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: [email protected]