Posted on November 13, 2014 by Xavier Toby

Man robs four subway stores to get money back after ‘Subway diet fail’. What a champion!

Subway Diet

This is Zachary. He looks mad, and I also think that he looks like a hero.

When the ‘Subway diet’ leaves you feeling robbed…

This is seriously one of the single greatest things a civilian has ever done with a gun.

Eighteen year-old Zachary Raphael Torrance robbed four Subway stores in Alabama at gunpoint to get his money back after he didn’t lose weight on the famous “Subway Diet”.

The diet is based around the theory that you can lose weight by living off eating two low-fat Subway sandwiches per day.

It is thought to have been invented by Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle, who claims he lost 200 pounds (heaps of kilos) following the strict eating regime.

Since then, Jared has gotten fat again, then skinny again, run a marathon…and then I stopped caring.

1-jared-pants-4_3

Subway Jared and his travelling pants. I’ll tell you what else is pants? Jared. Jared is pants.

Poor Zachary Torrance is likely going to go to prison, which upsets me greatly. You shouldn’t be pointing guns at innocent people, so maybe he doesn’t deserve an award. There is, however, a lot of merit to what he was trying to do.

We are bombarded with advertising that repeatedly makes highly contentious claims. Everything that advertising tells us ranges from the very sketchy to blatant lies. Very rarely are any of the advertisers held to account. Why isn’t there some big government body that regulates what advertisers can say and do?

I think there is one, but really…they do stuff all.

superherosandwich

This is a ‘hero’ sandwich. Especially popular in the USA. I think we should rename it a ‘Zachary’.

I want to live in a world where advertisers can’t lie and they also can’t mislead. No more good looking people on fast food adverts. No more smiling on gambling adverts. No more infomercials that make outrageous claims.

It’s all lies, and most of know that it’s all lies, but Zachary was beautifully naive enough to believe the lies.

Anyone who advertises has a lot of money, so they have power, and society and government are reluctant to piss them off.

The powerless then resort to violence because they feel they don’t have any other options.

Very often, they’re right.

Zachary felt powerless. So he acted out.

NYC_Subway_R160A_9237_on_the_E

This is a subway train. Never once seen at a subway store. Talk about false advertising! Also I wish that guy would get his hands out of his pockets. I hear he likes trains a little too much…

If we lived in a more responsible world, which gave a shit about all of the people in it, instead of only the people with money, then Zachary wouldn’t have held up four Subway stores.

He shouldn’t have done it.

Still…I can’t blame him.

This article first appeared in the Big Smoke:

http://thebigsmoke.com.au/2014/11/12/subway/

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

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