The Daily Mail UK on Tuesday revealed the reasons why women spend the equivalent of ten days a year in a bad mood.
This new study cost money that would’ve been better spent on paying a guy in an expensive suit on the train to light his farts, but that’s always going to be a great way to spend any money.
These revolutionary reasons for moodiness include feeling fat, husbands who don”t listen and broken nails.
In other breaking news, men and women are different, and the Daily Mail is going to keep finding ways to tell you that because enforcing gender stereotypes and sexism sells papers, or whatever the digital equivalent is of trading your soul for likes, tweets and a bit of attention.
News articles can have several different purposes. The best articles inform and educate, and through them we learn what is happening around the world. It follows that we can thus form improved opinions based on the impartial information provided.
At the other end of the spectrum we have every single article ever published by the Daily Mail and any similar tabloid-sensationalist news source. What they do is tell us things we already know, thus making us feel safe in our stupidity.
Look here! See? You know the opinions you share at the pub based on nothing? Here’s us telling you that they’re spot on correct. The world is the stereotypical pile of racist, homophobic, sexist misconceptions that you thought it was. Now go and buy more bourbon, another jetski and get another tattoo telling us how much you love the kids you see once a month.
The Daily Mails of the world take the worst aspects of our personality and our fears, then reinforce them based on crap. In this case it’s a study that’s about as useful, reputable and scientific as the Pepsi Challenge. It might keep finding that people prefer Pepsi to Coca Cola, but there’s a reason Coke is by far the bigger seller…and it is because Pepsi tastes like dirty sugar rolled in dog shit.
According to the study, apparently women are upset by men who don’t listen. Women are also upset by naughty children, being left to do the cleaning and bad weather.
In the previous sentence, try replacing both “men” and “husbands” with the word “people.”
What you get is a more accurate statement, but one which doesn’t appeal to antiquated notions of gender roles.
You know who else keeps hammering home these tired cliches? People I’m unfortunate enough to work with nearly every day of my life. Comedians.
Talking about the differences between men and women is the most hack of comedy topics, but it often gets a laugh, because people see themselves in the joke.
It’s exactly the same with star signs. The trick is that they’re so general that they apply to everyone, but anyone tricked by them is so self-centred that they feel like those trite words and affirmations are speaking directly to them.
Sure, men and women are different. You know what else is different? Any two objects placed next to each other. Oh, and there’s one more thing that’s completely different and individual.
Every single person on the planet.
Read this piece of crap article in the Daily Mail and have all your most blatant gender stereotypes reaffirmed by a news source that still believes that women should have a damn good reason if they ever want to leave the kitchen.
This piece first appeared in The Big Smoke:
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian
For speaking engagements, comedy gigs, writing assignments and all other enquires: firstname.lastname@example.org