Posted on September 26, 2014 by Peter Toby

For rent: MyGirl1 for an iPhone 6?

Screen-shot-2014-09-24-at-6.47.21-AM-598x360.png.pagespeed.ce.ErBwdFZTx6After a guy offered to rent out his girlfriend to raise money for an iPhone 6, Xavier Toby questions what the hell was this “human skidmark” thinking?

How much do you want an iPhone 6?

Enough to rent out your girlfriend?

Before you get all offended and stuff, the guy in Shanghai proposing this “offer” did specify “no funny business”.

If this idiot was serious about that though, he should’ve never told anyone about this plan, because it’s hilarious.

First, there’s the idea that it’s even slightly okay to rent out another human. That implies you have some sort of ownership over them. Not that I would ever suggest it to anyone I was dating, but if I did, as well as being instantly single, I would probably also need two new testicles.

Secondly, I’m skeptical that there’s a person in the world who loves anyone enough to go along with this ridiculous plan. This guy must have either brainwashed this girl, or he has some mad bedroom skills, or, most likely, he didn’t ask her permission, and is now searching for a new partner…and two new testicles.

The Shanghai man offered girlfriend deals available by the hour, day or month. Sort of like a “mobile girlfriend plan” where you pay only for what you use.

He’s certainly got time to raise the cash as the iPhone 6 may not be out in China until next year because it first needs to be approved by China’s Ministry of Industry and Information Technology.

Strangely enough, nobody official had to approve his plan to rent out his girlfriend.

I suppose there are 1.3 billion people in China, but not one iPhone 6 yet, so one is perhaps a lot more in demand than another?

Still I can tell you from personal experience that a compatible partner is a lot harder to come by than a decent mobile handset. Even if it’s from Apple. So I’m guessing that this guy is soon going to be without either, and he’ll be enacting a lot of “handset” action of his own.

The larger iPhone 6 was apparently designed in part to cater for the large characters of the Chinese language. Apple has not however, confirmed or denied that the hefty price tag was designed with the innovative revenue raising strategies of the Chinese people in mind.

To me the most shocking thing here is not that this human skidmark had this idea to begin with.

Far worse is that out of all his friends and family, nobody stopped him.

Instead why not rent out himself?

Or as it’s known among sentient humans, “Get a job”.

He’s probably tried that, and nobody was interested.

This post first appeared on The Big Smoke: http://thebigsmoke.com.au/2014/09/24/rent-mygirl1-iphone-6/

Catch the one man comedy show “Xavier Toby – Mining My Own Business” at the Melbourne Fringe until Sep 26, based on stories from his debut non-fiction comedy memoir.