The 2050 history books will likely feature the following entry:
“Past generations believed that the world was flat, leaches could cure anything, homosexual people shouldn’t be married, diets actually worked and that it was fine for overweight people to wear leggings in public. However those fools are nothing compared to the absolute imbeciles who ignored climate change, although it was happening all around them, and that’s why we now all live underwater, every meal is seaweed, and there’s only three hundred of us left.”
On September 21 2014, more than 400,000 people marched in New York, and there were over 2,000 other rallies and demonstrations around the world. All pleading for the global community to finally take this issue seriously.
This was ahead of the UN Climate Summit in New York on Tuesday, September 23 where more than 120 heads of state met, and Leonardo DiCaprio told them all to stop mucking about. He wants to protect the icebergs because his career was started by one, in the film ‘Titanic’.
The moment that an actor is lecturing our elected leaders on an issue of global importance because he knows more about it than they do, it’s time to start stockpiling foodstuffs and preparing the emergency bunker, because the end is nigh.
This Climate Summit is the first such gathering since the complete waste of time that was the 2009 Copenhagen Climate Conference. Which was basically a showcase for the world’s most expensive canapés, cocktails and champagne, and produced nothing but thousands of pages of proclamations on what can be done, should be done and might be done, but years later still absolutely nothing has been done.
The 2014 version is heading in the exact same direction, apart from the added ‘YouTube sensation’ celebrity speeches that have accumulated a fraction of the views of Nicki Minaj’s behind, a near naked Miley Cyrus and a grumpy cat.
Considering all the evidence, anyone who’s yet to decide if we do anything about climate change is the drunk driver polishing the hubcaps on his car which currently looks like an accordion, as he’s just slammed it into a concrete wall and is waiting for an ambulance.
We laugh at the creationists and rightly so, their beliefs make as much sense as stapling a dead rat to a wooden plank and expecting it to fly a plane.
Their ‘evidence’ that evolution didn’t happen is based on a book of fiction, and consists of a belief that God planted dinosaur bones in the earth in order to test our faith.
Like the climate change deniers, they also have a small amount of professors, scientists and experts who all claim that their beliefs are credible. Also just like the climate change deniers, their evidence is complete garbage.
In the very near future, the effects of climate change will be so disastrous, catastrophic and undeniable, that anyone who still doesn’t believe in it will be thought of as crazier than even creationist crazies, scientologists, and anyone who believes that sporting memorabilia is a wise investment.
You know who didn’t even turn up to the recent summit in New York of world leaders discussing climate change? Australia’s elected leader Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Although he did arrive in New York two days after it was done to discuss war, see a baseball game and possibly pick up a ‘cronut’ – half croissant and half donut, they’re amazing.
So you know what that means? We the Australian people elected someone who’s dumber than the creationists. Hang on, he probably is one. So what does that make us?
This article first appeared on the Huffington Post:
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian.