Every time I see her I think to myself, ‘I don’t care.’
Then I think, ‘Why does anyone care?’
Schapelle Corby is a human being, and for that reason I hope she gets all the things that every human being should be entitled too.
Proper legal representation, adequate care, medical whatever and stuff and things.
As an Australian overseas, if there has been some great injustice perpetrated against her, I don’t mind it being in the news. Very occasionally.
I care about her as much as I care about anyone I don’t know, and who’s done nothing to make society better, and adds very little to anything by their existence.
Is she a philosopher, politician, artist, musician, scientist or intellectual of note?
Is she saying or doing anything that is going to deepen my understanding of anything?
No, she’s not. So I don’t want to hear about her.
She may or may not be a perfectly nice person. Whatevs.
There are millions of other perfectly nice people who have terrible lives who don’t make the papers every day.
One thing that certainly does not affect how much I care about her is how attractive she is, however it’s because of her perceived attractiveness that she gets so much media attention.
It may also be that Australia is full of passably attractive bogan women that we care so much. The whole ‘that could be me’ phenomenon.
If you do, you’re an idiot. Stop it. Please. You’re acting sub-human.
Do you realise that she probably dieted while in jail, because she knew that people back home would care less if she became less attractive?
I believe you could draw a graph and plot age, attractiveness, skin colour and nationality, versus distance from Australia and work out how much we care.
You’re a white blonde Australian girl child? We care wherever you are, and whatever you’re doing.
You’re a white blonde Australian woman? Probably draw a line through Asia. After Asia, we’re going to struggle to take an interest.
Do you know who always falls for all this geography based, compassion racism?
So you want to stop being stupid? It’s easy. Read a bit. Pay attention. Start asking ‘why’ a lot more. Then you’ll be thinking, as you’re reading, ‘Why do I care so much about this?’
When you realise how pointless the answer to that question is, you’ll eventually stop caring so much.
I realise by writing this article, I may be contributing to the problem.
Ah well. I am being quite critical, so hopefully I’m helping to steer the ship called society in a slightly different direction.
Or maybe only the people who agree with me will read this, and those that don’t won’t, and all I’ve done is upset some trolls. As with most things I write.
Look, I don’t hate Schapelle Corby.
I just hate that we live in a society where people care so much.
The Kardashians though, they can all go fuck themselves with something sharp until they die. That’s one episode of that disgusting show that I’d actually watch.
A version of this article first appeared on The Big Smoke and can be found here:
Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian.
Catch him in Brisbane from May 9 to 18 with the comedy walking tour ‘2014 – When We Were Idiots’. Tix and more info:
He’ll be in Sydney on Sunday May 25 for one night only with his stand-up show ‘Mining My Own Business’. Tix and more info:
In Melbourne he’s performing ‘Mining My Own Business’ on June 17 & 18. Tix and more info:
His debut comedic non-fiction book about his six months on a mining site is available now through good bookshops and online with free delivery from: