This year they seemed to arrive with Hot Cross Buns on January 1, which is more outrageous than whatever just happened on Masterchef, The Block and Game of Thrones combined.
Honestly the only way I would watch reality TV if it were combined with Game of Thrones. It might be fictional, but that’s one TV show that knows how to hold a proper elimination.
Quickly followed by half price white, carob and weird chocolate month, as that stuff just never sells. Why keep making it? I don’t know, but then again, I don’t own a chocolate company.
Personally, I’ve not always been lucky enough to celebrate Easter with chocolate.
As a child I was a human Teletubbie, with cute little man b-cups and a face that lit up like a red traffic light like every time I exerted myself. Which was often sprinting to the Milk Bar whenever I had enough change for another Twix.
Three other substances have the exact same effect on me, owing to forced overindulgence in my youth: White Sambuca, Eddie McGuire and Limp Bizkit.
However if any of those three were contained in an Easter Egg, I’d probably have a crack at it.
As a child, owing to my immense size and my parents desire not to have a boy child who shared heart medication with his grandparents, I was never taken on an Easter Egg hunt.
I don’t know if it’s luck or brainwashing, but I now like strawberries better than chocolate.
I still feel sorry for my sister. She was nowhere near as wide as she was tall, like me, but had to suffer through this yearly fruit diversion because fatty here couldn’t be trusted.
Years later I found out the reason my sister smiled through these excursions is that my parents slipped her chocolate treats and cash in exchange for her cooperation.
By the way, we’re going through a bumper strawberry season at the moment, and they’re especially cheap right now. At Easter time. Proving without a doubt that there is a God.
Which is a reminder that Easter itself leaves us in a slightly awkward position, as it’s technically the most holy religious holiday on the Christian Calendar.
So should we feel bad for keeping the name and taking the days off, if we’re not at all interested in the religious aspect, but are all about the chocolate and strawberries?
Not at all. Celebrate in whatever way suits you best.
Sometimes they’re about laying in bed and doing absolutely nothing, like a chicken sitting on an egg.
Looking back further, Easter has its origins in a pagan festival celebrating the birth of spring, which explains the eggs. The reason they’re delivered by a rabbit however, has everyone flummoxed. Maybe on that very first Easter, the costume shop was out of chicken suits.
Anyway the whole new life thing doesn’t work so well in Australia as we head into winter, but all holidays are focussed on the needs and wants of those selfish Northern Hemisphere snobs.
So really, enjoy the holiday, do what makes you happy and wake up early on Easter Sunday for no other reason but half-priced chocolate eggs.