August 2013

The Essendon drugs scandal. Where’s the evidence?


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Essendon’s 2013 season has been destroyed, and there’s only one tiny detail that everyone seems to have forgotten. The evidence. Thousands of pieces of paper, months of investigation and hours of interviews, and still no proof that Essendon did anything wrong. Imagine this was a criminal trial. Essendon is a person charged with taking drugs. Read More

Everything is more important than the economy


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Money doesn’t actually exist. It’s a concept, and only has value because we all agree that it’s worth something. If we all agreed on it, we could use jellybeans as money, or rocks, or kisses. How much fun would it be if you could pay for things in kisses? A lot, or no fun at Read More

Political Ads or Free Beer. What Would You Choose?


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Since the ads for this election campaign have started, I’ve smashed seven televisions. Meaning I’m now banned from six pubs and my parent’s house. Okay, so I haven’t smashed any tvs, although I’ve wanted to. In an unrelated incident, I have cracked my iPhone screen because my new jeans are too tight, but they do Read More

Ban All Loyalty Programs


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‘If you have a rewards card, please swipe it now.’ ‘You’re not a member. Would you like to be?’ ‘The loyalty club comes with bonus points, an upgrade, vouchers and a free coffee. After you buy ten.’ ‘You don’t want to join? You should join. It only takes a moment. You’re still not interested? Why Read More

What is the point of owning a pet?


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A long-time friend named Matt and his girlfriend Miranda got a pug. Too small to be a real dog, barks at its shadow, only eats fresh meat, still isn’t toilet trained and looks like a rat whose face has been hit with a sledgehammer. Last year, they didn’t take a holiday. “We’d never put him Read More

Federal Election Time – It’s a Race to the Bottom


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Liberal or Labor? Anyone else feel like it’s being asked to choose between lethal injection or the electrical chair? Trying to decide who I’m going to vote for this election has been tricky, but I think I’ve come up with a method that might work. First I’m going think of Tony Abbott, and vomit into Read More