Posted on February 25, 2012 by Xavier Toby

Let’s Occupy Qantas

Instead of Occupying Melbourne, why don’t the protestors Occupy QANTAS? The Executive Lounge would be way more comfortable than the Treasury Gardens or whatever patch of wet earth they’re currently shivering upon. Also, all the core issues of the protest are actually in action in the whole QANTAS saga.

There needs to be another strike, that’ll fix it. Was anyone actually affected by those two terrible days back in October? Where a bunch of people were stuck in their holiday destination of choice for a full weekend?

My Dad was, and he was shattered. He lives on the Gold Coast, and was in Melbourne for Derby Day. Now he was forced to miss work, stay for the Melbourne Cup, upgrade his hotel, then charge all his costs and expenses to QANTAS. How bad can one person’s life get? I mean there are people in Africa who are so lucky that they’ve never even heard of planes.

Following the QANTAS strike there was a full senate enquiry. You know, to get to the bottom of things and that. Anyone see it? QANTAS boss Alan Joyce answered all their tricky questions extremely well.

All the senators said, “You’re going to move QANTAS offshore”.He said,

“To be sure, to be sure, potato, Guinness, pot of gold, fiddley-dee.”

Then all the media went, “How cute is that? We love the Irish.”

He’s so small, he could be leprechaun. Which explains the $2 million dollar bonus. Someone just bought his pot of gold.

So QANTAS used to stand for, “Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Service.”

Now it probably should be, “Quite a Nasty Turd, Alan Joyce Sucks.”

With QANTAS their big advertising campaign was based on that song, “I Still Call Australia Home.” Not anymore. I mean, if it’s THE Australian airline, why did they put a dodgy little Irishman in charge? It’s not like there’s a shortage of dodgy businessmen in Australia. I’m sure Alan Bond isn’t busy. Or John Elliot. Are they even still alive?

I shouldn’t be so mean, it’s not Joyce’s fault. It’s the system we’ve got. The QANTAS management run the company for the shareholders. They don’t give a stuff about the employees, or the environment, or the future. Corporate greed – it’s exactly what the Occupy Protestors are complaining about.

So QANTAS is going offshore for the exact same reason that all our goods are manufactured in China and our phones are answered in Asia. It’s heaps cheaper.

Now I’ll buy a pair of shoes made by some Filipino kid, and an ipod from some Chinese sweatshop because I’m sure their small hands help with the tricky bits, but planes? Do we really want a cheap foreign version of pilots and plane maintenance? I don’t know about you, but airline safety is something I don’t mind paying extra for. Then again, I never fly QANTAS. I can’t afford it.