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From Chinese New Year to black Fridays, it’s best not to be superstitious

ACCORDING to science, research and real stuff, there is one superstition that is true. With the Chinese New Year, a Friday the 13th this month and another looming, it’s probably worth revealing what it is. The Chinese New Year began on February 19 and this one’s the Year of the Goat. Those born in a goat year are supposedly destined for a bad life – they’re not cut out for competition, as they are seen as followers not leaders. Apparently some Chinese time their conception efforts to avoid births during the Year of the Goat, while some of those who might be due around the New Year are hurried along. Hitting the emergency delivery button to avoid bad luck surely has to be one of the most dodgy reasons ever for a premature birth. RITUALS: Nadal the most superstitious tennis player ever? ADOPTION: Black cats suffer bad luck prejudice MUST DO: Sport’s strangest superstitions Anyone who’s willing to risk the health of an unborn child to avoid bad luck perhaps shouldn’t be having kids in the first place. Then again, I know someone who’s a great mother but also believes she’s a psychic. Which she proved by looking at me and saying, “I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking that you don’t believe me.” Which was correct, but proves nothing. Of course I didn’t believe her, because all that stuff is rubbish. But I digress. Some believe the bad luck associated with being born in the Year of the Goat can be avoided by rearranging your furniture, lighting a few candles and trying not to fart. Or something. We’ve also had a Friday the 13th this month. Which some also consider bad luck because Jesus was crucified on a Friday and there were 13 at the last supper and people are gullible. In general, but on Friday the 13th in particular, it’s suggested that it’s bad luck to walk under a ladder, open an umbrella inside and break mirrors. Other bad luck omens are walking on cracks, black cats and spilling salt. On the other hand, good luck...

ACCORDING to science, research and real stuff, there is one superstition that is true.

With the Chinese New Year, a Friday the 13th this month and another looming, it’s probably worth revealing what it is.

The Chinese New Year began on February 19 and this one’s the Year of the Goat. Those born in a goat year are supposedly destined for a bad life – they’re not cut out for competition, as they are seen as followers not leaders.

whatever-floats-your-goat

Apparently some Chinese time their conception efforts to avoid births during the Year of the Goat, while some of those who might be due around the New Year are hurried along. Hitting the emergency delivery button to avoid bad luck surely has to be one of the most dodgy reasons ever for a premature birth.

RITUALS: Nadal the most superstitious tennis player ever?

ADOPTION: Black cats suffer bad luck prejudice

MUST DO: Sport’s strangest superstitions

Anyone who’s willing to risk the health of an unborn child to avoid bad luck perhaps shouldn’t be having kids in the first place. Then again, I know someone who’s a great mother but also believes she’s a psychic. Which she proved by looking at me and saying, “I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking that you don’t believe me.”

Which was correct, but proves nothing. Of course I didn’t believe her, because all that stuff is rubbish.

But I digress. Some believe the bad luck associated with being born in the Year of the Goat can be avoided by rearranging your furniture, lighting a few candles and trying not to fart. Or something.

We’ve also had a Friday the 13th this month. Which some also consider bad luck because Jesus was crucified on a Friday and there were 13 at the last supper and people are gullible.

In general, but on Friday the 13th in particular, it’s suggested that it’s bad luck to walk under a ladder, open an umbrella inside and break mirrors.

Other bad luck omens are walking on cracks, black cats and spilling salt.

Black Cat Meme

On the other hand, good luck occurs after a bird poos on you, it rains on your wedding day and you accidentally wear your clothes inside out, which I think is all just a ploy to make us feel better, because all that stuff sucks.

“You’re covered in birdshit. Buy a lottery ticket!”

“Rain has ruined your wedding day? How lucky are you!”

“You’ve put on all your clothes inside out. You’re not losing your mind, you’re just lucky!”

Wouldn’t it be great if we could trick people into thinking it was good luck, anytime anything went wrong? We’d all be so much happier.

“I backed into your car. How good is that? Seven years good luck for you.”

Science has found that one superstition, however, is true. Want to hear what it is? Apparently if you believe in bad luck, that brings it on. That’s right, if you’re worried about Friday the 13th, mirrors or ladders, then science has proven that you’re more likely to suffer. If you don’t, you won’t.

So in this Year of the Goat and Friday the 13th, ignore all superstition, or suffer the consequences. You’ve been warned!

This article first appeared in The Brisbane Courier Mail:

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/opinion/opinion-from-chinese-new-year-to-black-fridays-its-best-not-to-be-superstitious/story-fnihsr9v-1227240421298

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/products/mining-my-own-business

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: me@xaviertoby.com


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The Most Aussie Thing to Happen This Week (imho) – Fishy pigs drink all the beer at a snail’s pace

“Beer thieving pig gets drunk and start a fight with cow” Great headline, however I’m sure it’s something that goes down in many Australian households every Friday night. Indeed, this is not news if by “pig” the article is referring to a: 1) Mining magnate 2) Politician 3) Footballer 4) Police officer (awww SNAP!) 4) Any Australian male It does, however, refer to an actual wild pig. With tusks and everything. Who stole 18 beers from an Australian campground in Port Hedland, Western Australia. Then drank them all, because in Australia, even the animals don’t do anything in moderation. The pig had been on the tear for days, and according to campers even tried to start a fight with a cow. Which apparently did not end well. The pugnacious porker was last seen resting against a tree stump on a riverbank, nursing what is probably the worst hangover it’s ever had. Unless during the week it works in finance or banking, among the fat cats and other pigs who are known for their mid-week benders. In better news for the pig, it’s not likely to be charged. As the campers were only upset about the loss of beer, and as pigs don’t carry wallets, the campers were sceptical of the animal’s ability to pay them back. In other weird Australian animal news, a fish with two mouths was caught at South Australia’s Lake Bonney. Gary Warrick caught the bony bream and commented that, “Both mouths are actually joined together. The top one opens and closes but the bottom one looks permanently open. Other than that, it’s a normal fish.” Warrick has worked as a commercial fisherman in the area for many years, and has stumbled across other deformities including odd-shaped heads. Making up this tricky trio of weird and wonderful fauna stories, limpet teeth have just been found to be the strongest biological material on the planet, knocking spider silk from top spot. “The structure of these tiny sea snails’ choppers is so strong, engineers could copy it to make cars, planes, and other objects prone to collision,” said Asa Barber,...

“Beer thieving pig gets drunk and start a fight with cow”

Great headline, however I’m sure it’s something that goes down in many Australian households every Friday night.

Indeed, this is not news if by “pig” the article is referring to a:

1) Mining magnate

2) Politician

3) Footballer

4) Police officer (awww SNAP!)

4) Any Australian male

It does, however, refer to an actual wild pig. With tusks and everything. Who stole 18 beers from an Australian campground in Port Hedland, Western Australia. Then drank them all, because in Australia, even the animals don’t do anything in moderation.

The pig had been on the tear for days, and according to campers even tried to start a fight with a cow. Which apparently did not end well.

The pugnacious porker was last seen resting against a tree stump on a riverbank, nursing what is probably the worst hangover it’s ever had. Unless during the week it works in finance or banking, among the fat cats and other pigs who are known for their mid-week benders.

In better news for the pig, it’s not likely to be charged. As the campers were only upset about the loss of beer, and as pigs don’t carry wallets, the campers were sceptical of the animal’s ability to pay them back.

Drunken_pig_2

In other weird Australian animal news, a fish with two mouths was caught at South Australia’s Lake Bonney.

Gary Warrick caught the bony bream and commented that, “Both mouths are actually joined together. The top one opens and closes but the bottom one looks permanently open. Other than that, it’s a normal fish.”

Warrick has worked as a commercial fisherman in the area for many years, and has stumbled across other deformities including odd-shaped heads.

Making up this tricky trio of weird and wonderful fauna stories, limpet teeth have just been found to be the strongest biological material on the planet, knocking spider silk from top spot.

“The structure of these tiny sea snails’ choppers is so strong, engineers could copy it to make cars, planes, and other objects prone to collision,” said Asa Barber, an engineering professor at the University of Portsmouth.

So what do these three stories have in common?

Apart from being true oddities, each in their own special way, it’s the lack of reflection that strikes me as particularly Australian.

Pigs are drinking beer, a fish has two mouths and is one of many mutant sea creatures pulled from a lake, and the strongest biological material ever known has just been uncovered.

According to the news reports in Australia, what have we learned from all this?

Not once was it mentioned that campsites might be too close to nature, introduced feral pigs are at plague proportions, mutant fish could be caused by something more sinister than just random ‘ol nature, and that snail teeth could be good for something other than things that crash into other things.

Instead, we’ve concluded that in Australia:

1) Nothing’s worse than stealing beer.

2) Mutant fish just happen sometimes, ya know? Nothing to do with toxic anything.

3) Crashing into stuff can’t be avoided. So we need to make stronger stuff.

4) Snail teeth might also be good for false human teeth. Which is something else designed to crash into stuff, and is about as visionary as using rocks to make fake rocks, or turds into contestants on “I’m a celebrity but not quite and my career needs a boost.” Or whatever that crap is called.

5) When it comes to reporting the news in Australia, it’s never about what we can do for nature, but what nature can do to entertain us.

Tune in next week for spectacular photos of polar bears roaming city streets, cute pics of penguins with sunburn, and vision of icebergs collapsing in real time. WOW. Onya nature.

In case you’re interested, read about the aforementioned animal crazies in the real news here:

http://qz.com/346214/the-strongest-natural-substance-known-to-man-is-snail-teeth/

http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/9358/20141003/beer-thieving-pig-gets-drunk-starts-fight-cow.htm

http://www.news.com.au/technology/science/fish-with-two-mouths-caught-at-south-australias-lake-bonney/story-fnjwkt0b-1227223917805

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

0

Snapchat’s plan to do more than NSFW pics. Now that’s news!

Ever sent someone a naughty naked totally NSFW pic? Then paused before hitting send because you were worried exactly what they might do with it if you and that person didn’t work out? Highly likely, as you can’t even remember their name. Well it was late, and dark, and you’re not even sure what they looked like. Anyway…do you think they have it in them to be nasty? To use that pic for good instead of evil? Hence the internet fairies or storks (or wherever new apps come from) delivered us: Snapchat With the added bonus that if someone was to screenshot one of your pics, it even tells you. How good is that? BIG BONUS. People under 25 even use Snapchat for other stuff. Like socially media or waffles or something. So it was with some surprise that I heard about Snapchat intending to do the news, and being all highbrow about it, with its new “Discover” feature. News stories will be up for 24 hours, thus keeping up the “snap” part of the chat. Also, they’ll be in three parts. Going on narrative on us, like every decent story ever told. In a swipe to the face of other online news providers, Snapchat stated, “Social media companies tell us what to read based on what’s most recent or most popular. We see it differently. We count on editors and artists, not clicks and shares, to determine what’s important.” Lofty goals indeed, from a company whose core business remains crotch shots, titty flashes and dick pics. I’ve gotta say though, I’m personally sick to death of news feeds filled with whatever’s most titling today, according to what’s been shared and clicked the most. Stop telling me about what happens behind the scenes of air travel that I just “wouldn’t believe”. I don’t give a shit. So I like the idea of content based on the views and decisions of editors and artists. You know, how the news used to be way back nearly a decade ago. In the contemporary media landscape, however, every single successful anything is extremely adept at...

Ever sent someone a naughty naked totally NSFW pic?

Then paused before hitting send because you were worried exactly what they might do with it if you and that person didn’t work out?

Highly likely, as you can’t even remember their name.

Well it was late, and dark, and you’re not even sure what they looked like.

Anyway…do you think they have it in them to be nasty? To use that pic for good instead of evil?

Hence the internet fairies or storks (or wherever new apps come from) delivered us: Snapchat

With the added bonus that if someone was to screenshot one of your pics, it even tells you. How good is that?

BIG BONUS.

People under 25 even use Snapchat for other stuff. Like socially media or waffles or something.

So it was with some surprise that I heard about Snapchat intending to do the news, and being all highbrow about it, with its new “Discover” feature.

News stories will be up for 24 hours, thus keeping up the “snap” part of the chat.

Also, they’ll be in three parts. Going on narrative on us, like every decent story ever told.

In a swipe to the face of other online news providers, Snapchat stated, “Social media companies tell us what to read based on what’s most recent or most popular. We see it differently. We count on editors and artists, not clicks and shares, to determine what’s important.”

snapchat-logo-1

Lofty goals indeed, from a company whose core business remains crotch shots, titty flashes and dick pics.

I’ve gotta say though, I’m personally sick to death of news feeds filled with whatever’s most titling today, according to what’s been shared and clicked the most.

Stop telling me about what happens behind the scenes of air travel that I just “wouldn’t believe”.

I don’t give a shit.

So I like the idea of content based on the views and decisions of editors and artists. You know, how the news used to be way back nearly a decade ago.

In the contemporary media landscape, however, every single successful anything is extremely adept at saying the exact right thing in a press release, making us all smile, then doing the same crappy thing as always.

Just look at politics.

Or junk food companies.

Or the stock market.

Or banks.

Or nearly any company.

They all tell us how important and high minded and considerate and socially responsible they are. While continuing to screw the last vestiges of humanity and decency from us, which they then use to feed their black and decrepit souls.

Of course.

So I’ll be checking out Snapchat news in the hope that it lives up to its lofty ideals, but suspecting it’ll all just be more of the same. Old. Garbage.

Right after I send off the requisite three hundred dick pics. To strangers. Using dicks I found on the internet.

Because that’s how I roll.

I believe that they’re called privates for a reason.

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/products/mining-my-own-business

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: me@xaviertoby.com

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A girl named Nutella? Maybe nut… And ten other things you didn’t know about Nutella

Still high on the sugary love of International Nutella Day on February 5th (every year don’t ya know?) here are ten things you may not have known about Nutella. Including some French parents who’ve been banned from naming their kid after the spread. Which is a very good thing. Ten things you may not have known about Nutella: 1) The name is a result of combining the English word “nut” and the Latin suffix for sweet, “ella.” 2) One jar of Nutella is sold every 2.5 seconds throughout the world. 3) You could cover the Great Wall of China eight times with the number of jars of Nutella sold in a year. 4) You could circle the world 1.4 times with the amount of Nutella produced in one year. 5) Nutella became so popular in Italy that Italian markets began to offer free “smears” of Nutella to any child who showed up with a piece of bread. This trend was referred to as “The Smearing.” Which means something completely different on PornHub. 6) In the US in April 2012, Ferrero, maker of Nutella, was sued in a class action lawsuit for false advertising that led some to believe that Nutella carries nutritional and health benefits. They lost, ‘cos it doesn’t. Nutta one. 7) Nutritional breakdown: Nutella contains 70 percent saturated fat and processed sugar by weight. A two-tablespoon (37 gram) serving of Nutella contains 200 calories, including 99 calories from 11 grams of fat (3.5g of which are saturated) and 80 calories from 21 grams of sugar. In addition, the spread contains 15mg of sodium and 2g of protein per serving. 8) In summary: two tablespoons of Nutella contains 21 grams of sugar. That’s like, totes heaps. 9) In 1806, Napoleon tried to halt British commerce with a blockade that caused the cost of chocolate to go through the roof. So chocolatiers in Turin started adding chopped hazelnuts to stretch the supply. That’s where all this nuttiness started. World War II saw a chocolate shortage once more, so Italian pastry maker Pietro Ferrero in 1946 again added hazelnuts, originally producing a solid...

Still high on the sugary love of International Nutella Day on February 5th (every year don’t ya know?) here are ten things you may not have known about Nutella.

Including some French parents who’ve been banned from naming their kid after the spread. Which is a very good thing.

Ten things you may not have known about Nutella:

1) The name is a result of combining the English word “nut” and the Latin suffix for sweet, “ella.”

2) One jar of Nutella is sold every 2.5 seconds throughout the world.

3) You could cover the Great Wall of China eight times with the number of jars of Nutella sold in a year.

4) You could circle the world 1.4 times with the amount of Nutella produced in one year.

5) Nutella became so popular in Italy that Italian markets began to offer free “smears” of Nutella to any child who showed up with a piece of bread. This trend was referred to as “The Smearing.” Which means something completely different on PornHub.

6) In the US in April 2012, Ferrero, maker of Nutella, was sued in a class action lawsuit for false advertising that led some to believe that Nutella carries nutritional and health benefits. They lost, ‘cos it doesn’t. Nutta one.

7) Nutritional breakdown: Nutella contains 70 percent saturated fat and processed sugar by weight. A two-tablespoon (37 gram) serving of Nutella contains 200 calories, including 99 calories from 11 grams of fat (3.5g of which are saturated) and 80 calories from 21 grams of sugar. In addition, the spread contains 15mg of sodium and 2g of protein per serving.

8) In summary: two tablespoons of Nutella contains 21 grams of sugar. That’s like, totes heaps.

9) In 1806, Napoleon tried to halt British commerce with a blockade that caused the cost of chocolate to go through the roof. So chocolatiers in Turin started adding chopped hazelnuts to stretch the supply. That’s where all this nuttiness started. World War II saw a chocolate shortage once more, so Italian pastry maker Pietro Ferrero in 1946 again added hazelnuts, originally producing a solid block which could be sliced and served on bread. Gross, but it’s why we now have Nutella.

fat kid Nutella

10) In late January of this year, a French court blocked parents from naming their baby girl Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery. The judge renamed the kid “Ella.”

—–

Back in the 18th century, French parents were restricted to naming their offspring after a number of popular saints or famous figures. These laws were relaxed slightly in 1966, allowing for alternative spellings and foreign names among others. It has only been since 1993 that French parents have been allowed to name their children as they please, and a registrar can still step in if he thinks the name is a bit too creative or could subject the child to mockery.

Which is ace, and this is not without precedent in the rest of the world.

In Texas, a child was called “Messiah.” This went to court and the judge said, “No. Your child is now called Martin. (Slams down gavel.) Done. Next.”

There should definitely be a lot more of this.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where these are all the official names of actual humans: Lucifer, Anal, V8, #16 Bus Shelter, Chardonnay, Audio Science, Pilot Inspektor, Ahmiracle, Shady, Younique, Burger, Thin & Taco BM Monster.

More popular than ever seem to be the names that are just regular words. Celebrities seem to be mad for this. Recently we’ve had Apple, North West, Blue Ivy and Brooklyn.

That last one apparently came about because that’s where Posh and Becks conceived the kid. Even if that’s true…well that’s information you shouldn’t share with anyone ever.

It’s also horrifying to contemplate what would happen if that trend caught on. The world would be flooded with names such as “Back Alley”, “Spare Bedroom” and “Disabled Toilet”.

There are also those normal names misspelled in order to be “original.” A schoolteacher friend of mine had a student named Kylie, which the parents had spelt “Kyleigh”. In an act of defiance, my friend made a point of spelling her name Kylie on the young girl’s report card. At the parent-teacher evening, the girl’s parents walked up to my friend, shoved the report card in his face and said, “Look here! It says Kylie. That’s not how you spell our daughter’s name.”

He stared back at them and said, “I think you’ll find that it is.”

Misspelling your child’s name does not make them original, special or destined for greatness. All they become destined for is a life full of correcting people who try to spell their name the accepted way. A person’s name is an arbitrary tag attached to them before anyone knows anything about them. Perhaps in order to pick more appropriate names, a person’s 21st birthday should be celebrated with a “name day” where a name is bestowed based on what sort of person they are.

It’d force people to lead a more productive childhood for fear of ending up with a name like Idiot, Moron or Fabian.

A “different” name does not make a person special or different. Those are qualities earned through hard work and dedication, and it makes no difference if that person is named Mary, Seven or Rysk.

What we need is a register like a “Name Dictionary.” Then if you wish to invent a new name, there should be a board that adjudicates whether or not to add that name to the dictionary.

If it’s a “no” then you need to pick another name.

If you refuse, one will be chosen for you.

Good on the French for already doing something similar.

Shame on the whole rest of the world, however, where horror acts of child-naming are so frequent that a “Name Dictionary” is even necessary.

Which leads to a far more dangerous question:

If you can’t be even trusted to get the simple act of giving the thing a name right,

should you be even popping one out in the first place?

 

This article first appeared in The Big Smoke:

http://thebigsmoke.com.au/2015/02/10/girl-named-nutella-maybe-nut/

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/products/mining-my-own-business

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: me@xaviertoby.com

0

Most Aussie Thing to Happen This Week (imho) – The Biggest “Yeah, Nah” in Australian History

So, how Aussie is the phrase “Yeah, nah”? It’s truly awesome how confusing it is to anyone who hasn’t heard it before. For anyone who has, it’s the perfect start to any awkward reply. “Yeah, nah I don’t know what happened to your cat. Or your microwave.” “Yeah, nah I suppose I did see him with his tongue down her throat. At the christening.” “Yeah, nah maybe I did put the traffic cone in your bed, but ya know? Stuff.” Which leads us to the biggest ongoing “Yeah, nah” in Australian history. It’s been happening all week, and my prediction is that it’ll stretch out for months more. Watch out for it, as it’s contained in each expression and reply from every Australian Liberal Party politician or supporter. To summarise: “Yeah” – we know Tony Abbott is the greatest ever clusterfuck of a leader, wrapped in regret with a side of what the hell were we thinking? “Nah” – we can’t do anything about it, because of the way we berated the Labor Party over the Kevin-Julia-Kevin thing. Like if we got rid of Tony, we’d never hear the end of it. By definition “Yeah, nah” is basically saying, “I don’t know what to say”. It’s a placeholder where you need to buy time because someone is waiting on a reply, but you haven’t yet got one ready. Usually, during the time it takes to say “Yeah, nah” you’ve worked out what to say, and some semblance of a decision follows. The Australian Liberals, however, have no idea what to do, or say. Hence as well as being the biggest “Yeah, nah” in history, it’s also the longest. Already it’s been running for weeks, and it’s likely got months to go. Here’s the massive problem. Tony was never meant to be Prime Minister. He’s too stupid to do the job, and as a result, too dumb to know when to quit. He keeps going on about a “captain’s call.” What sort of idiot Prime Minister needs to invoke a sporting analogy to claim authority? Surely a “Prime Minister’s call” is more important. Also, the...

So, how Aussie is the phrase “Yeah, nah”?

It’s truly awesome how confusing it is to anyone who hasn’t heard it before.

For anyone who has, it’s the perfect start to any awkward reply.

“Yeah, nah I don’t know what happened to your cat. Or your microwave.”

“Yeah, nah I suppose I did see him with his tongue down her throat. At the christening.”

“Yeah, nah maybe I did put the traffic cone in your bed, but ya know? Stuff.”

Which leads us to the biggest ongoing “Yeah, nah” in Australian history.

It’s been happening all week, and my prediction is that it’ll stretch out for months more.

Watch out for it, as it’s contained in each expression and reply from every Australian Liberal Party politician or supporter.

To summarise:

“Yeah – we know Tony Abbott is the greatest ever clusterfuck of a leader, wrapped in regret with a side of what the hell were we thinking?

“Nah – we can’t do anything about it, because of the way we berated the Labor Party over the Kevin-Julia-Kevin thing. Like if we got rid of Tony, we’d never hear the end of it.

March-in-March-Abbott-Meme

By definition “Yeah, nah” is basically saying, “I don’t know what to say”. It’s a placeholder where you need to buy time because someone is waiting on a reply, but you haven’t yet got one ready.

Usually, during the time it takes to say “Yeah, nah” you’ve worked out what to say, and some semblance of a decision follows.

The Australian Liberals, however, have no idea what to do, or say. Hence as well as being the biggest “Yeah, nah” in history, it’s also the longest. Already it’s been running for weeks, and it’s likely got months to go.

Here’s the massive problem. Tony was never meant to be Prime Minister. He’s too stupid to do the job, and as a result, too dumb to know when to quit.

He keeps going on about a “captain’s call.” What sort of idiot Prime Minister needs to invoke a sporting analogy to claim authority? Surely a “Prime Minister’s call” is more important.

Also, the moment you’re reminding everyone of how in charge you are, is the moment you’re no longer really in charge.

Well it should be.

Still, the Liberals will likely stick with Tony until they lose the next election, or they no longer have a choice. By which stage it’ll be too late, and I think that’s great.

We might all want to get rid of Tony, but the big problem with the Liberal Party replacing him is that they’ll just replace him with someone else from the Liberal Party.

So here’s cheers to the continuation of Australia’s biggest and longest ever, “Yeah, nah”…

This article first appeared in The Big Smoke:

http://thebigsmoke.com.au/2015/02/06/tmathtw-biggest-yeah-nah-aussie-history/

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian

Follow me on Twitter: @xaviertoby

Like me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/xaviertoby

Buy my first book (read a bit for free):

http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/products/mining-my-own-business

For speaking engagements, comedy performances, writing assignments and all other enquires: me@xaviertoby.com

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