Posted on April 20, 2016 by Xavier Toby
  Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Sexual depravity on mining sites


Out at many Australian mining sites, the men are hundreds and often thousands of kilometers away from friends and family for weeks at a time, and they get very lonely.

As a result, things often become extremely freaky, and during my time as a FIFO (fly in fly out) worker on a coal mine, I witnessed plenty of sexual depravity.

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Posted on April 5, 2016 by Xavier Toby
  Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

So you’re ‘trying’ for a baby? Gross. Keep it to yourself


This article first appeared in the Courier Mail and the Daily Telegraph

Recently I caught up with two old high school friends and their wives.

They’re in their mid-thirties, same as me, but unlike me have houses, furniture that’s not made from milk crates and adequately paying jobs.

I was there for the free food and wine but also because I occasionally like to check in with those I have little in common with, to observe how they navigate through this life. It’s the same reason I go to the zoo and stare at the people there.

The majority of things that come out of these people’s mouths are utterly unmemorable — imagine silence… but an annoying silence. Then they’ll come out with something amazing.

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Posted on March 18, 2016 by Xavier Toby
  Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

Go Smurf Yourself

9 - Smurfs

This article first appeared in the Herald Sun

Here’s an idea that will never kick on but makes perfect sense. It’s one quick way to clean up the language on all construction and mining sites.

If you’ve ever been on one, you know that these are places where most words have been replaced with swear words, and they’re not just meant as insults.

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Posted on March 10, 2016 by Xavier Toby
  Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Fitness versus Fatness

Mining Site Eating

Out on a mining site, you either become addicted to fitness or fatness.

Many who’ve previously shown no inclination either way expand and soften, or contract and harden, the longer they’re trapped in the FIFO life.

When I first arrived, I gravitated towards fatness. Unable to resist all-you-can-eat bacon every morning, cold cuts at lunchtime, and steaks and cakes every evening, I piled on the pud, at an average of 5 kilos a fortnight.

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Posted on March 2, 2016 by Xavier Toby
  Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

Read a book. It’s what Ryan Gosling would do

Ryan Gosling

You know it’s true because there’s a Ryan Gosling meme about it.

This piece first appeared in The Herald Sun

DO YOU think that evolution is going backwards? I do. If you’re reading this, I’m clearly not talking about you, since you can read.

I mean read something longer than a street sign, an ironic tattoo and the winning lotto numbers and that’s the key.

As a society, it’s a fact that we’re getting dumber. Think of it: Adam Sandler movies. Selfie sticks. Kardashians.

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